What’s Hiding in the Left Side of My Closet

Theme Song: “La Vie En Rose” Madeleine Peyroux

Projects: Lots of writing and editing; purging belongings that are not needed

So, I was going through my stuff (in a fit of insomnia, which happens from time to time) and I found a box of hidden journals. I forgot I had these journals all boxed up neatly, and I began to look through them (this was after going through a box labeled “Sentimental Crap“). I figured it would be amusing to share some of my findings.

“January 1, 2000

Okay, so nothing catastrophic happened like the end of the world or anything – geeze, I can’t believe how many people wasted money on Y2K. Oh well, the new millennium  is here, and I haven’t made any resolutions yet.”

Heh! I was working at Barnes and Noble then and found it kind of amusing that people would buy a ton of survival books.

“December 2, 1996

The Picture Frame

You Enclose me,

Shoving my heart

into a small strip

of film

Telling me who I am

and Who I am not”

To put it this way, this should be an example of why we should never change who we are for who someone else thinks we should be.

Here’s a funny one…I wrote it the day after my 21st birthday. Finding the right person has always been something on my mind. I had a writing professor suggest I make a list of everything I want in a partner then become those things. Here was my list from one of my hidden journals:

“Nov. 4, 1998

…He has to love books and reading.

He has to enjoy children.

He has to be calm in stressful situations.

He has to be romantic.

He has to be in school or have a degree.

He has to be faithful.

He has to know what he wants in life.

He has to have a career in mind.

He has to be supportive of me/my decisions.

He has to be supportive of my son.

He has to deal with anger/stress in non-destructive, non-violent ways.

He has to like to joke around.

He has to not mind helping with housework.

He has to be a good cook.

He has to be honest.

He has to be charming.

He has to respect my friends.

He has to respect my freedom.

He has to like to hang out and just be together talking or not for hours.

He has to be creative.

He has to be supportive of women’s rights/feminist.

He has to be pro-active in issues important to him.

He has to be an optimist.

He has to be active, not passive.

He has to be a go-getter.

He has to love the rain and the way it smells after it rains.”

Here’s a great one. It’s from when I was…goodness…15. (Prepare to laugh)

“5/25/93

Bees From Hell

A steady buzzing noise was heard. All of a sudden, a whole bunch of bees appeared and attacked the man with the dark hat.

“Argggh! Help me!” The man yelled.

“Meet your death, Charlie.” The bees replied. [insert witty editorial remark years later. Really, 15 year old me? The bees replied???]

“No! I haven’t done anything to deserve this!”

“But your people have. They try to make us an extinct species!” [another interjection – seriously??? I’ll spare you the rest.]

And a last, philosophical thought for the moment. This was kind of fun, I’ll have to do it again another time.

“3/09/04

It is in the hidden nature of our language that we as philosophers get caught up in – the very tools we work with. We don’t chip away at all the meanings or nature, but rather eradicate and make useless and ambiguous the tool we use in our investigation. It’s like saying “see a tree” while only pointing at the veins in the leaves. One cannot see the whole picture while only looking at the pieces making it up.” [I was on a Parmenides kick at that point in time]

AND

9/7/04

Can one live another’s memories? Could it be that God is the source and we are just living out the memories of the source? This happens in all possible worlds in every possible possibility so that it only seems as though we have free will, but in ‘reality’ we are just living out a series of possibilities all of which cannot be fully realized by the current consciousness we possess, but instead for God, every possibility has already been “lived” out.”

Those were both two random, very short musings in a journal with a picture of a man with his head in his hands. I’d cut out a phrase “Does the Universe Exist if We’re Not Looking?” from a headline in a magazine and taped it around him.

What sorts of things do you have in the left side of your closet?