On Those Who Man-Bash (or Woman-Bash)

Theme Song: “Vertigo” U2

So there I was, about a year ago, watching Sex in the City as a divorced woman with a friend. When I was in my 20s, it was one of my favorite TV shows. As I watched the movie, I noticed all the man-bashing jabs and watched my friend laugh at them. This isn’t to say I’ve never found such jokes humorous. But it is to say that I think that it’s safe to say that I’m no longer in a place where I think it’s funny to bash significant others.

Let’s face it, these are the people we want to spend our lives with! Whether you call someone an oaf to his face or behind his back, it’s cruel, disrespectful, and frankly not funny. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it can’t possibly be a sign that you love the person you’re with.

But women in relationships aren’t the only ones who do this. Single women do this too. They poke fun of the men they date, put them down, etc. Some women bash before the man even gets to the door for the first date. Our society seems to think this is okay. However, my thoughts are if you don’t respect the guy, don’t go out with him, it’s that simple.

The same goes in reverse – men, if you don’t respect a woman, don’t date her! This kind of mate bashing is just cruel. In some of the groups I’m a member in on Cafe Mom, there’s a lot of this kind of bashing that goes on (women bashing their husbands, partners, etc.). It saddens me. While not every guy is a good guy, there ARE some really good guys out there, and they deserve respect from the women who love them.

It’s interesting because the attitudes we have towards members of the opposite sex, even those things we think are harmless can eat away at our relationships with others. How many times have we been the recipient of a joke someone else thought was funny, only to find that it hurts us? I know that’s happened to me, and I’m sure other people have experienced this.

I don’t think other people’s weaknesses should be the way we bond with our friends. It’s bad karma. If you find yourself bonding over bashing other people, try changing the subject. There are so many interesting things to talk about. I won’t say I’ve never participated in man-bashing, but over the years, I’ve realized that it’s like cancer. My fiancé does so many great and wonderful things for me and for others. He is an awesome man. I’d never say a negative word about him (In fact, I can’t think of anything negative to say about him, anyway). Instead of bashing your man (or woman, or friend, or date, or partner, etc.), try taking a deep breath and think about all the wonderful things that person has done for you and brought into your life.

Have you ever bashed someone else just to bond with a group of people? How did that work out for you?